brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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