Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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