for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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