That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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