So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize