I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
