loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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