I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
