Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize