Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
