How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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