When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
