We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize