I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
