Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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