Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
