The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
