so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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