I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
