I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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