No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize