i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
