You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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