He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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