I wish you could order shots online.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize