it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
