OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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