Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
