it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
