i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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