Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
