be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
