Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
