She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
