she smelled like a LAN party
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
