Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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