Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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