youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
