the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
