I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
