i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
