I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
