What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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