i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
