So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
