so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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