Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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