My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
