Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize