Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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