I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize