I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
