Yo dont text me then not text me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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