When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
