would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
