fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
