So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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