the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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