thus making me awesome and them whores
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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