K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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