i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
