if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize