There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You are the jesus of drinking
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
