I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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