Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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