Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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