he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
