I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize