i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
