It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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