Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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