She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
