Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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