Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
