Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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