My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
