Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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