I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
