I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
