I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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