did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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