Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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