dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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