is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
