I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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