I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
