You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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