Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
