i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize