My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
