why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
