she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
