meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
