Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He felt like a one man threesome
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize