oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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