he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
