when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
