I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
