you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
