his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize