Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The Olympian is in my bed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
