Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
