glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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