Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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