Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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