just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
