I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
