I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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