Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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