Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
