i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
