it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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