I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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